God, Satan & Condom.

God made man and woman.

You don’t really need logic to deduce that it was for sex (just look at the perfect fit!).

His motive, of course, was reproduction.

Ours, pleasure.

But soon enough we were fed up of the growing population.

But we couldn’t really do anything.

God was having his way…!

Satan, obviously, was unhappy.

He had to do something to stop all this.

He invented AIDS.

God was furious.

Our pleasure was in danger.

We couldn’t enjoy sex with the fear of virus lurking over us constantly (not to forget the stress of growing population).

Satan was having his way…!

We were depressed and frustrated.

The only thing that we enjoyed was causing us stress.

The thing that we absolutely loved doing was becoming a threat to our existence.

Man invented condom.

Fuck god, fuck Satan!

Finally, we are having our way…!

There are things money can't buy, the rest make you happy!

I was standing at the dhaba looking for someone who could buy me a smoke. Yes that’s true; I don’t even have money to buy something that cheap. It’s not that I don’t have that kinda money. I’m not a no-money-in-the-wallet broke; I’m more of I-spent-all-the-money-I-had kinda broke.

I guess that’s college life for you. Money-wise, people like me usually alternate between a king and a beggar. One moment, you have money in your pocket and you buy everyone everything you can (it’s like an unwritten rule among friends, if you got money, you gotta spend it), and soon enough you’re broke and you can be found asking every acquaintance of yours for Rs.5 to spare (if you’re a smoker, otherwise more).

And come to think of it, I’m glad I don’t have the regular buy-me-presents-take-me-out-for-lunch kinda girlfriend. I get by easily in dating life.

I still remember the first two years of college when I used to get Rs.150 per month allowance. Yes, Rs.150 per month. It was fuckin’ crazy!

I used to schedule a date with some girl and then run around looking for odd writing jobs to pay for my dating bills.

Thankfully, I didn’t smoke back then.

Even more thankfully, I have a different kind of girl now..!!

Catch-22

A friend quizzed me today.

‘Would you rather have sex with the girl of your dreams or a toilet when bowel-pressure is too high?’ he asked.

Now, what kinda stupid question is that?

On a second thought, it was actually a tough one.

It is hard to tell which one’s more satisfying, even if you might wanna overlook the urgency factor.

It reminded me of this particular episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. In it Chandler, to pass an awkward moment, asks Erica (who by the way is in labor)

‘What is more painful, delivering a baby or getting kicked in the nuts?’

He goes on to reckon that no one would ever be able to tell because nobody can experience both.

Quite true, I’d say.

Come to think of it, I can recall a joke I heard when I was a kid. I don’t remember it exactly, but it went something like this:

Two men are discussing sex (or making love if you may). They are arguing about who enjoys it more, man or woman. Suddenly, a woman who’s sitting nearby and has been overhearing their conversation gets up and whispers to both of them

‘When your ear is itching and you wriggle your finger inside it, who do you think is more satisfied your ear or your finger?’

I never found this joke funny (if it was, in fact, a joke). But that’s how stupid questions are. They put you in a dilemma. And that too between two things that might not even be remotely connected.

My personal favorite and actually a tough one, is one from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. too.

‘What do you want more, food or sex?’

It’s quite frustrating to choose between the two.

No one can answer it satisfactorily, except of course Joey, who says:

‘I want girls on sandwich!!’

Me too, me too…